Beauty is Power

I've grown up in a world where men who are caught looking at a woman's [name any popular female feature] was called a pig and potentially slapped. Men of the church have the added pressure of being accused of lust if it be any woman other than his wife (which is good pressure), but sometimes even then (which is not so good).

This pressure has always been there. We are surrounded by beauty and told not to look, or at least don't get caught, or I guess you can look - but don't touch, well, not too much touching... The pressure isn't quite what it used to be, is it?

So what's a man to do? Either repress the urge to look, or peek on the sly and repress the desire to pursue, or just stare openly and accept the title of pervert (among other consequences). Either our reputation takes a hit, or we deny our natural desires [and i'd wager that the male desire for respect dives most of us to hide it.]

Meanwhile, skirts get shorter, necklines and waistlines plummet; and we wonder why so many of our men have become so repressed that they need medication to act on natural bedroom desires.

But how?

Living in college dorms, you're bound to see bits and pieces of movies or tv shows you normaly wouldn't, otherwise. I saw a piece of one of the Highlander movies while poping into another room for a reason I've now forgotten.

The lead guy and his female companion are back in their ... appartment? (I only saw about 5 minutes, so I'm fuzzy on the details.) The two of them are talking about something or other that happened earlier, when she gets a romantic look in her eye. He was either unaware, or still focused on whatever they'd been talking about so that he doesn't notice right away.

She gives a couple tugs at her relativly modest shirt and bares her shoulders; she now has his undevided attention. (.. as well as us male viewers) They start kissing and the scene cuts to the two of them in bed, basking in the afterglow.

After a cold shower, I realized that it was a perfect example of just how powerfully captivating a woman's body/beauty is (as per God's design). I'm sure it's anti-romantic dissect the way she got his attention, but I'm too much a nerd to let that stop me.

I see two parts to it: she showed that she was willing to share her beauty/body and had an inviting look in her eyes. I'm sure it sounds like I just repeated myself to some of you, but stick with me. Those are two very different things.

When she exposed her shoulders, she unveiled a small portion of her physical beauty. Whether her intention was sex or not, that Beauty was out for all to see and would not go unnoticed. But without her invitation, any action on his part would likely be taken as offensive .

Without the second element of her silent, but clear, invitation, he would have no clue if his advances would be welcome. To be nice and avoid offending her space and/or body, he's got to keep it to himself. (Remember that pressure I mentioned earlier? I know most of the guys out there do.)

As I'm writing, I was distracted in Proverbs for a while and stumbled across (more likely, was led to) this same principle. Solomon (smartest guy ever) writing to his son about how to avoid being swayed by the "Immoral Woman."

Proverbs 6:

24 to keep you from an evil woman and from the smooth talk of a loose woman. 25 Do not desire her beauty in your heart. Do not let her catch you with her eyes. ('GodsWord')

(24-25ish) Don't lustfully fantasize on her beauty; nor be taken in by her bedroom eyes. (The Message)

When us guys get hung up on her physical beauty, the battle is already nearly over. Add that Come-Hither stare and it could easily be the final blow.

And that's exactly how God intended it to work! But that's for married folks to enjoy (more on that in a second).

Go back to Leviticus 18 and 20 and you'll see that all of the commands against pursuing or initiating inapropriate sex are worded to target men. The translation I linked to seems to put equal emphasis on exposing nakedness as it does on actual sex.* I'd like to know more about the original language, since some versions seem to dumb it down to simply "don't have sex with___." I see this as God commanding, not just a respect for our sexuality, but especially for the female body.

God made these commands becase men will always be living among women and will always have the opportunity to lust or even pursue something inapropriate * (ever wonder why most sexual predators are men?* [of course that's not an excuse for them]). The same laws are equally explicit on women's responsibility for how they present themselves. (even though they aren't quite as extensive)

Or an example from an easier read, three times throughout the Song of Solomon* (the book of steamy, Biblical passion), the woman pauses to caution the reader not to stir-up/awaken romance before the time is right. And her warning is directed to the Women in her audience.

Remember when Jesus equated a mere lustful gaze with outright adultery? Doesn't that seem to make a little more sense now?

The Fun Part

Of course, all those warnings and commands go out the window for married couples.

Like where Proverbs encourages the enjoyment of the wife of our youth (Check it out: [MSG] [NIV] [AMP]). The 'tamer' translations go on to say, "may her body always satisfy you." Personally, I prefer the translations that unashamedly draw direct attention to her breasts.

Don't give me that look. Just how many jokes are floating around out there making fun of men for fixating on breasts? They had to come from somewhere, right? How long now have women been complaining about men talking to their chests instead of looking them in the eye?

Lets be honest. We know that men are always getting a hard time about allegedly fixating on them all the time. It's part of the Beauty that God created. A part of the set meant for an audience of one, but meant to be enjoyed.

And so no one accuses me of overlooking it, the same passage puts the same emphasis on enjoying the Love of our wives. God intended us men to enjoy our wives physically AND emotionally.* (It's my belief that you ladies ought to hold out for a man that appreciates Both.)

(If me talking about female anatomy like that makes any of you uncomfortable, then it only seems fair to warn you that the topic will come up again.)

I hope that answers the question I'd left hanging for so long. If not, well, let me know what I should come back to.

::suggested reading::

Edit:this is what I'd meant to link, but the other is good, so it stays.

refocusing

I'll need to be careful how I say this, but try and follow me.

I've been too soft on this. Too timid to speak any louder than I have. And so I've hardly spoken for a while. Though, I know I'll have to be more careful not to go too far the other way.

I've said that I'm not demanding a change from every last woman of the Church. I want it to be clear that I am however, urgently requesting that change. Men all over are stumbling into lust and are fighting for their lives to get out of it.

And please don't think of me as some distant prude behind a digital pulpit. I have been one of those men who feast on women with their eyes. and (by the Strength/Grace of God) I have learned to reverse those habits.

But the temptation is always there, and I'm still human. Put simply, it's a daily struggle not to become that man again. I'm writing on behalf of all such men who are also engaged in this battle and want to be able let their guard down when they come before God on Sunday morning.

I'm asking you, the ladies of the church, to take a closer look at the sheer power of your beauty and to help us men by shielding us from it. (I'm not asking you to dress down in the least. Mandatory potato sacks are the last thing I have in mind).

I've also got to make it clear that I'm only talking to women within the church. None of this is by any means a basic requirement for Christianity, and I refuse to allow it to be mistaken as such. If you don't consider yourself to be part of the Family of Christ, you are not my target audience. (You're welcome here, but please know that you are not under fire, and defending yourself will just make you look silly. Though, if you don't like the idea of men ignoring your personality because they're distracted by your body, I encourage you to stick around anyway.)

Fair warning: I'll be doing my best to avoid going into graphic detail, but that won't always be possible. When a man starts giving in to the desire admire a midriff or glance down a low cut blouse, it only satisfies for a moment. Before long it only creates a hunger for more.

Again, I'm not blaming your Sunday Best for luring us to dark corners of the internet. But if any other man's story is anything like mine, those small compromises of just-a-few-more-inches-of-skin or just-a-little-bit-tighter; as small as they may seem, they remind us of where our journey into lust began.

Oh, that response I promised a while ago? I've started and restarted writing it countless times... but I think God wanted the above out of my system before moving forward. Whatever I've got by the end of the week is getting posted. (I'm also a recovering perfectionist)